These Guys Are Actually Funny
McCain and Obama - why don't they use this stuff in the debates instead of the lame policy talk:
...McCain brought down the house, lighting up faces and shedding a room full of tears with a speech that put a fun touch on countless issues that have been leading the news over the last few weeks.
The Arizona senator touched on his age, wealth, the media, voter registration and, of course, his opponent, Obama.
"This is a very distinguished and influential audience and as good a place as any to make a major announcement," McCain said. "Events are moving fast in my campaign. And, yes, it is true that this morning I dismissed my entire team of senior advisors. All of their positions will now be held by a man named 'Joe The Plumber.'
"Already my friends, my opponents have been subjecting Joe to their vicious attack machine. His voracity has been questioned by Barack Obama's running mate, 'Joe The 6-Term Senator.' He claims that this honest, hard working small business man could not possibly have enough income to face a tax increase under the Obama plan. What they don't know is Joe The Plumber recently signed a very lucrative contract with a wealthy couple to handle all the work on all seven of their houses."
It didn't take long for McCain to bring Obama into the mix, and considering what the two have said about each other over the last 20 months, Thursday night seemed like a good time for some comic relief.
"This campaign needed the common touch of the working man. After all, it began so long ago with the heralded arrival of the man known to Oprah Winfrey as 'The One.' Being a friend and colleague of Barack I just called him 'That One,'" McCain said in reference to his bully-like tactics in the second presidential debate. "He doesn't mind at all. In fact, he even has a pet name for me: 'George Bush...'"
"...It's been that kind of contest and I come here tonight to the Al Smith Dinner knowing I'm the underdog in these final weeks, but if you know where to look there are signs of hope, even in the most unexpected of places, even in the room filled with proud Manhattan Democrats. I can't shake that feeling that some people here are pulling for me.
"I'm delighted to see you here tonight, Hillary."
McCain also took playful shots at former President Bill Clinton and had some fun with MSNBC's Chris Matthews, host of "Hardball."
"I told him, maverick I can do, but messiah is above my pay grade," McCain said. "It's going to be a long, long night at MSNBC if I manage to pull this thing off."
He then launched into a point of contention in the Obama camp – voter registration.
"So, you know I have fun with the media. We all know that the press is really an independent, civic-minded and non-partisan group … like ACORN.
"In case you haven't been following my opponent's 'Get Out The Vote' campaign, ACORN is helping to register groups that were previously excluded, overlooked and under-served – second-graders, the deceased, Disney characters."
While many believe McCain and Obama don't like each other personally, it would be hard to prove as such after listening to McCain's heartfelt comments on his opponent.
"I don't want it getting out of this room, but my opponent is an impressive fellow in many ways," McCain said. "Political opponents can have a little trouble seeing the best in each other. But I've had a few glimpses of this man at his best and I admire his great skill, energy and determination. It's not for nothing, but he's inspired many folks in his own party and beyond. Senator Obama talks about making history and he's made quite a bit of it already. There was a time when the mere invitation of an African-American citizen to dine at the White House was taken as an outrage and an insult. Today is a world away from the cruelty and prideful bigotry of that time – and good riddance.
"I can't wish my opponent luck, but I do wish him well."
Obama later took the podium and said he's not necessarily "the chosen one," but could in fact be a superhero.
"For the last few weeks John has been out on the campaign trail asking this question: Who is Barack Obama? I have to admit I was a little surprised by this question. The answer is right there on my Facebook page," Obama said. "But look, I don't want to be coy about this. We're a couple weeks away from an important election. Americans have a big choice to make, and if anyone feels like they don't know me by now, let me give them some answers ...
"Who is Barack Obama? Contrary to the rumors you may have heard, I was not born in a manger. I was actually born on Krypton and sent here by my father, Jor-El, to save the planet Earth."
He then launched into the genealogy of his birth name.
"Many of you know I got my name, Barack, from my father," Obama said. "It's actually Swahili for 'That One.'
"And I got my middle name, obviously, from someone who never thought I'd be running for president."
Both McCain and Obama will be back out on the campaign trail on Friday, likely with gloves off once again.
But for one night they showed that even the two most recognizable people on the planet, vying for the most important job there is, have a human side."